What SPARKS CHANGE in a Relationship?

Change is always happening in all aspects of life. Seasons change, technology changes, people change as they age. Change is both necessary and unavoidable.

People often say that they want to change their job, their loved ones, their bodies. But what sparks the change in relationships, businesses, and life in general?

Everybody wants to change something, but not everybody is successful. We all know someone who wants to get in shape but keeps eating in McDonald’s five times a week. Or a person that says they want a stable relationship but keeps dating troubled or emotionally unavailable people.

When we are talking about change, we first have to take a look at ourselves. If you are overweight, it’s not because the food at McDonald’s is calorie rich, and if you are constantly single it’s not because ‘’all guys/girls are stupid/crazy’’.

It’s all about you, and whether you are ready to change yourself or not.

The question is, how do you achieve that?

If we want to create change, the first thing we need to change is the existing mindsets and frameworks of behavior. We must realize that the trajectory we were taking so far is not working, and take a step in another direction. In the case of the overweight, that step is literally in another direction from the fast food restaurants, and towards the gym.

What sparks that change though? What is the force that turns the current storyline of your life and propels you forward? What takes you from fat to fit, from single to happily married, or from a dead-end job to a successful business?

What sparks change is having resistance towards the unwanted outcome; when you refuse things in your life to play out a certain way. Your marriage may be failing, your business may be unsuccessful, even if you work hard at it.

And then you have a choice to make.

You can let your marriage and your business fail. You can always meet somebody else and get another job.

However, if you are willing to fight for it, you will refuse to fail. You will do whatever it takes to make the necessary change, to keep whatever you are fighting for afloat, and then steer it in the right direction.

Will Smith touched on this in an interview once. He said that you can be better than him at anything, but that you will not beat him on a treadmill, because he will rather die than stop running. He refuses to lose, even if the cost is extraordinary. That’s the mindset we all must have on the things that are most important to us if we want to be successful.

You may not have a choice when certain things happen, but you have a choice how are you going to react to those things, and you can accept your circumstances or fight them.

In both business and personal relationships, things can always turn for the worse. And they almost certainly will, if you are there long enough. What matter is how we react to those things.

Change is uncomfortable; if you remain in the comfort zone, you can’t change and grow. If a person who was in business ten years ago heard about social media for the first time and said: ‘’I will not change the way I worked all my life, screw the kids and their smartphones’’; they are probably out of business right now or performing worse than they could have.

If somebody is treating you undesirably, be it your spouse or your coworkers, if you don’t act on it; nothing will change. If you want to have a six-pack, but you keep drinking on the weekends, the result will not be there.

You will achieve success if your drive to change is greater than the need to stay comfortable. If you are willing to go through the uncomfortable, that’s where growth and improvement happens.

If you want to create a change, you have to buy into it emotionally and be able to look at the big picture and see the end result, whether that is in business, health, relationships, etc.

You have to believe in yourself and that you will become successful, and always keep that vision. That is what is going to keep you going forward when times get tough. If you do not have that belief, and if you can’t see the finish line, chances are that you are going to give up.

That old Henry Ford quote sums it up perfectly: ‘’Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.’’

Success doesn’t happen overnight, and change is a process which is happening incrementally, step by step. Massive success is often celebrated and reported in the media, but nobody is there when those successful people are perfecting their craft and struggling to get it right.

When tough times come, we have to push through and persevere, and remind ourselves to stay on track of change and improvement. Things like meditation and journaling can help with that.

In conclusion, realize that circumstances and people around you are not going to change by themselves. You have to spark and create the process of change and improve yourself first, before expecting the change from others.

 

(1:08) Everyone wants change, but not everyone is achieving change.

(1:25) Vivian had a client who treats marriage as a project, which then makes it an obligation of sorts. It’s not the healthiest way to treat your marriage.

(1:53) When you are talking about change, first look at yourself.

(2:40) Change is always happening in all aspects of life; it’s a natural process, you have to adapt to it.

(5:47) Change occurs within a certain framework, and you have the power to influence that framework. You may not have a choice when certain things happen, but you have a choice how are you going to react to the change, and you can go with it or against it.

(10:45) If we want to create change, the first thing we need to change is the existing framework of behavior; and how things have to be and what people expect from us.

(11:32) What sparks change is having resistance towards the unwanted outcome; when you refuse things in your life to play out a certain way. It may be refusing to lose your marriage, your job or letting any obstacle stop you from achieving your goal.

(12:33) Awareness of incoming or current change of circumstances is vital to be able to start changing.

(14:10) Change is uncomfortable; if you remain in the comfort zone, you can’t change and grow. You will achieve success if your drive to change is greater than the need to stay comfortable.

(18:00) If you want to create a change, you have to buy into it emotionally and be able to look at the big picture and see the end result, whether that is in business, health, relationships, etc.

(19:20) You have to remind yourself to stay on track of change and improvement, and things like meditation and journaling can help you with that.

(20:45) Success don’t happen overnight, be aware that change is a process and is happening in small portions.

(21:55) Circumstances and people around you are not going to change by themselves; you have to spark and create the process of change and improve yourself first, before expecting the change from others.

Raul Villacis is a family man, entrepreneur, investor and mentor to fellow entrepreneurs.  He is the founder and driving force behind the Next Level Experience. He has designed a system that helps men get The EDGE back in their lives.  Through his program, they find clarity and achieve balance in their personal and professional lives. He is also a sought-after public speaker, owns his own real estate company, has held over 20 Next Level Boot Camps and has created the Inner Circle, an elite network that fosters connection and accountability amongst successful businessmen.

Raul and his wife Vivian Villacis host the God, Money & Sex  podcast, a business and relationship focused discussion forum that shares insights into what it takes to be a successful businessman while maintaining balance in your intimate relationships.  You can have it all and Raul is the man who can help make it happen for you.

Make sure you stay tuned to this YouTube channel as Raul and his guests discuss key topics about God Money & Sex.

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2018-11-21T17:42:51+00:00November 21st, 2018|